My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
