In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
