Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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