Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
