I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
