Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
