Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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