doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
