As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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