she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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