My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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