Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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