Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
