I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
