so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
