why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
