i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
