Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
