Do you still have your period?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you told grandpa to call you daddy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
