what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
