So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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