I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
