everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
