Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
