he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
