Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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