What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
