Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
