Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so let's talk penis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
