Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
