we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
