come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
