i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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