Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
