I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
