Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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