Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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