you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
