TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
