guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
