You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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