It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
