i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
