We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
