I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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