Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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