Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
