His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
