dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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