we have officially lost it.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
