so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
