u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
