I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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