How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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